This week I turn 40. It’s a big one.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know I’ve been journaling almost daily for the past 14 years. This week, I sat down and reflected on the past decade — reading through old journals and paging through photos from 2015.

I remembered where I was — and who I was — at 30. And honestly… it moved me more than I expected.

In the past ten years, I lost my father, my brother, my best friend from school, and my two cats. I ended an 8-year relationship. But I also gained more than I could have imagined. The highs, the lows, the heartbreak, the growth, the reinventions. I could never have predicted this life.

So I wrote something. Not a list of achievements or a gratitude post. But a letter — from me today, at 40, to the version of me I was at 30.

I’m sharing it here, not as advice — but as reflection. Maybe you’ll see something of yourself in it too.

Maybe it’ll remind you how far you’ve come. Or how much is still possible.

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Dear Marnus (30),

You don’t know it yet, but everything you’re building — the businesses, the body, the brand — is only the beginning. You think success is what will make you feel whole, but you’re about to learn that freedom isn’t found in titles, money, or fame. It’s found in knowing who you are — and loving him fully.

You’re going to do insane things over the next ten years.

You’ll build and sell companies. You’ll get your face on TV. You’ll publish a book and become someone people recognize. You’ll live in luxury apartments and travel to 38 countries. You’ll live dreams you didn’t even know you had — and then realize that some dreams aren’t what they seem. You’ll touch the sun, and then walk yourself back to the ground.

But let me be real:

You’re also going to be brought to your knees.

People you love will die.

Relationships you thought would last forever won’t. You’ll have nights where you’re numb, lost, reaching for anything to feel something. You’ll use things to escape that you’ll later learn to release. You’ll feel lonely even when surrounded. And still — you’ll keep going.

Why?

Because somewhere inside you, even now, you know the truth:

You were never meant for a surface-level life.

And so, you’ll go deeper.

You’ll meditate. You’ll journal.

You’ll cry, scream, forgive.

You’ll learn that being seen isn’t about being admired — it’s about being real.

You’ll stop chasing highs and start building peace.

You’ll learn to sit with silence. To love your body without punishing it.

To feel proud without proving.

And then, one day, without even noticing…

You’ll look in the mirror and realize: you became him.

The man you once hoped you’d be — grounded, clear, joyful, free.

You’ll have an incredible dog named Bobby who reminds you how simple love can be.

You’ll live in Barcelona, retired, healthy, fulfilled.

You’ll be learning Spanish and planning to bring a child into the world.

You’ll have space in your life again — for people, for stillness, for love.

So don’t worry so much.

Stop trying to control everything.

Keep showing up. Keep choosing growth over comfort.

And trust this:

You’re going to be okay. In fact, you’re going to be better than okay.

I’m proud of you.

Now go live the next 10 years with your heart open.

I’ll be waiting here when you arrive.

With deep love,
Marnus (40)