Alcohol destroys everything
Today’s topic is a sensitive one, and I was hesitant about whether to share it so early in this journey.
But, I reminded myself that these are MY lessons. The lessons I wish I knew sooner. And if I really want to make a difference, if I really want to help you, I need to share this, controversial or not.
So what’s the big thing?
Alcohol.
We have, as a society, conditioned ourselves to believe that alcohol is fine and it’s the only way to have a good time. It’s almost incomprehensible for most people to think they need to go without it.
It’s also the biggest drug in the world. Most people are addicted to it, but somehow, we have normalized it as a society.
For me personally, alcohol has caused the most destruction for the people around me and thereby for me personally. It destroyed our family, was the main reason my parents divorced, and I have seen both my dad and brother pass away because of it. But it was also their struggles with it that made it so much worse for me.
It’s not that either of them wanted to drink. They really wanted to stop but were just unable to. My brother had many clean days where he was so proud of his achievement just to start drinking again a couple of days later.
In the last days of my dad, that was his only hope, and thinking about it, I think throughout his life, it was his only hope.
I have never heard anyone say that alcohol changed their lives in a good way. No one has ever said that if it wasn’t for alcohol, I wouldn’t have had such a great marriage, I wouldn’t have had such a good relationship with my kids.
I’ve never been a big drinker, but when I wanted to stop drinking at the end of 2022, it was an incredibly challenging thing to do. It was only when I wanted to stop drinking COMPLETELY that I realized how many drinks I’ve been having. A glass of wine here and there with dinner, a beer with a friend, a night out. I came to realize that we all drink way more than what we think we do.
My other realization was that I always reached for a drink when I experienced an unpleasant moment. When there was a bit of pressure at work or it was a hard day at the office, I would pour myself a glass of wine. Yes, I would feel better. But what’s the problem then?
The problem is that I’m not dealing with the underlying issue.
It’s only when I stopped drinking completely that I realized what an effect it had on me.
I will continue to enjoy a glass of wine every now and then on a very rare occasion. But when I do, I will realize that it’s not good for my body, that I will have terrible sleep that night. But I will never again do it to have fun or to suppress emotions on a day-to-day basis.
But my advice to anyone is to rather have no alcohol than risk addiction to it. An addiction you might not even know you have.
Whenever I speak to anyone who stopped drinking alcohol, the response is always the same – life has never been this good. And that’s true for me too.
I wish I knew this sooner, I wish my dad knew this too. 🙁
What about you? Is alcohol serving you, and am I just a boring human who doesn’t know how to have fun? Or has it completely destroyed things for you too? Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.
Loekie
May 24, 2024 at 7:48 am
I have now been sober for 145 days…..i was a social drinker.. never drank in the week and not every weekend. But it was the best decision I ever made!! Lost “friends” along the way bit gained much more
Proud of myself
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:18 pm
Amazìng, well done Loekie! I think this is what most people don’t realise, they think that by not drinking a lot it’s ok. But by STOPPING COMPLETELY, it changes everything! Well done!
Marilie Parsons
May 24, 2024 at 7:57 am
I am so blessed to have parents and a family that haven’t had alcohol as its curse. I am also a light drinker. However, that is not true for many families. Unfortunately, I have seen the side effects it can have on many – and I have seen the scars it leaves on families (whether they acknowledge it or not).
In varsity I did go through a phase of feeling that I don’t want to always be the designated driver, or the responsible one getting everyone home. But many years later I accepted it as my mantra – and resonates well with my INFJ personality.
Michael Ndiweni
May 24, 2024 at 8:23 am
Alcohol consumed to excess is very dangerous, yes true some friends are addicted they refuse that they are.
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:19 pm
My experience showed me ANY alchohol consumed is a game changer 🙂
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:18 pm
Nice one Marilie, thanks for sharing. <3 inTj Marnus
Jan
May 26, 2024 at 12:09 pm
I have been mostly clean since 2020… Have’nt had alcohol in 2024 so far.
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:19 pm
Amazing Jan! What’s your experience been?
Warren
May 27, 2024 at 7:18 am
I am grateful for an upbringing in which alcohol was respected and used in celebrations. It was always freely available. In my early 20’s I would drink when partying or socialising but have never leant on it for support. It was more of a method of building my “Dutch courage” to approach women and helped with my shyness (I realised later that I am in fact an ambivert) and assisted me in building confidence. I want to thank both my parents for an amazing upbringing which had balance and taught me to live life to fullest.
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:20 pm
My ouma would have said “alles in matigheid”:)
Marcel vd Berg
May 28, 2024 at 8:23 am
Alcohol
A big discussion always on if it’s a good or a bad thing, there is people in my family that drank themselves to death and others that had so many problems, I myself as well did so many stupid things and said so many bad things to people that i would’ve never said to them.
I enjoy having drinks with friends and to relax a bit, but that’s very true, it must not be a place where you try to escape to and numb the underlying issues. I think there would be less accidents and less violence in the world if people consume less alcohol.
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:21 pm
Yeah Marcel, I think the world would def have been a better place without it!
Helgaard
May 28, 2024 at 2:46 pm
I agree Marnus, if you can’t have one or two drinks and then stop then you should avoid drinking all together. Having a glas of wine or a beer should be something reserved a special celebration. Over the weekend I had a glas of wine at a braai. It was the first time in over two months. It is social to have a drink and helps you unwind, but only to a point. Most depends on which side of the social fence your friends are.. if they are non-drinkers and into healthy and mindful activities then you’ll be a non-drinker, but if your friends enjoy a glas of wine or a beer then you will be a drinker with them.
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:21 pm
Thanks for sharing H!
Semethe
May 28, 2024 at 8:16 pm
Alcohol is not bad on its own, people fail to limit. That’s where the problem emerges.
Marnus
June 6, 2024 at 5:22 pm
Mmm… We can agree to disagree 🙂
Gabriella
June 5, 2024 at 4:52 pm
Hi Marnus
I have been following your journey since the days of Shark Tank and more specifically in your journey with giving up on alcohol. I am only 26 and the realisation of what Alcohol is, hit me this year. I took a good 4-month break prior to setting sail for a trip to the Netherlands and Spain. However, on this trip, this escalated. When I looked again, every night (or rather morning) we were getting home at 5am and our days never felt very purpose lead. What got me the most, is the drugs. How do you draw the line of being vocal about powders to your friend group and being made out to be someone who “condemns” or someone who ends up being left out of the loop on a night out – but you can see everyone is on something. I am an advocate of shrooms and to an extent LCD, however for me those “drugs” deserve to be respected and thus I will only ever take them in nature. How do you keep the hope alive seeing friends of 15 years lose themself to the Netherlands techno scene (& substances) or when is it time to close the chapter?
Basil
June 21, 2024 at 9:35 am
Thank you for sharing this story, and being brave enough to go against the tide, and a big thanks to the others for their stories, this is starting to take the shape of an AA meeting out of a movie 🙂
My wife, Nadia has done exactly the same thing as you, alcohol, even small amounts has had a huge impact on her running and how she feels the next morning, as for me, I’m a zombie for two days.
We live on an island, which is very social and we go out quite a lot and it is very difficult to find a place that serves a drink without alcohol that is not a sugary fruit drink or soda
Some places have non-alcoholic beer that I must say, actually still taste like beer, but my brain just won’t go along with it.
Those are also few and far between as I’m not sure there is much money in serving those, or mocktails.
What I’ve come to realise is that sugar (the biggest, legal drug of them all) is pretty darn deadly over a long enough timescale, and alcohol pairs pretty well with sugar so trying to cut both out is a near impossible task.
We have settled on the same course of action as you, a glass here and there, or a non-alcoholic beer for her and water for me, which sounds lame, but I’m ok with lame these days.
The best gift I can give my friends, family and loved ones, is a healthier, longer lived version of me, even if I’m lame.
Thank you for sharing and giving us the platform to share back.
Baz
Marnus
July 1, 2024 at 2:38 pm
Amazing! Thanks for sharing Baz. It’s such a weird position: you think you are lame, but actually, you are way more smart for not poisoning your own body and mind. I love what you said about the best you can give those close to you! Keep it going!